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credits

released July 6, 2005

Album produced and engineered by Gordon Bash w/ the help of Jazmin Rezai on "She"at Synergy Studios, Los Angeles, CA.

Engineering for "Prayer" done by Donnie Whitbeck at Joey's Place, Los Angeles, CA.

Album mastered by Steven Siebold.

All songs written by Natasha Cox and Jon Siren, except for "Victory", which was written by Gordon Bash, Natasha Cox, and Jon Siren.

"Beyond" by Natasha Cox, Jon Siren, and Julie Walthall (Fox).

"Prayer" by Natasha Cox.

Cover art and layout by Joseph Corsentino.

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Track Name: Still Right Here
Lately I’ve been thinking,
“Throw it all away,”
It’s the voice I hold onto,
Spilling all my pieces,
Feeling this control,
Bleeding all the things that slipped away

So tired
Of living like this again
It cycles round and round again
All my escapes that left me broken
Leads me here again

For all the words I’ve spoken
And the ones who’ve led me there
Because I still feel something
Burning me, rising, the wanting that’s in here
So with my broken meanings
I find there’s still life left somewhere
So take your miracle placebos
And know that I am still right here

Another comes your way
Controlled by their mistakes
Make pasts disappear with just pills and some words
Don’t ask, follow
Don’t ask, follow
Don’t ask, follow with just pills and some words

Given up
On logic to pull me through
It all comes down to what you choose
No matter what I’ve seen or been,
Tell me,
Will this ever end?

For all the words I’ve spoken
And the ones who’ve led me there
Because I still feel something
Burning me, rising, the wanting that’s in here
So with my broken meanings
I find there’s still life left somewhere
So take your miracle placebos
And know that I am still right here
Track Name: Someone Like You
She waits for
Your moment,
Just wants to
Be noticed
Such magic
She’s weaving
Her words so
Deceiving

She lives for
The fame
She’s obsessed,
But that’s not one she’ll admit

So thank you for your little show
You are what makes me know what’s real
To not become someone like you
Someone like you

You’re waiting to tell her
How much that
You’ve loved her
But won’t she
Surprise you
When your name
Eludes her

So perfect,
So fitting,
So many
Masks she lives in
Just one more lost and faceless blank conclusion

Someone like you

So thank you for your little show
You are what makes me know what’s real
To not become someone like you
Someone like you
Track Name: She
All around
In a place unknown
Many paths, many truths unfold
There she stands reaching out alone

In the dark
She still breathes in light
She’s there blowing kisses to the past
Rays of hope
Dotted skies she dreams
Thinking of better times she lives and waits
Begin

Everything feels so numb and cold
There she stands, reaching out alone
Sinking ship that sailed too far away
From home

She’s throwing fear away,
She won’t be frightened anymore

Reaching out, I’m reaching out to you
For hope

And she sleeps with angels tonight,
Waiting for you
If I could give words to heal,
I’d give them to you

Are you there?
Are you still there?
I’m waiting for you,
Reaching for you?
Are you there?
Are you still there?
I’m calling out for hope to reach you
Track Name: In This Ocean
I cannot escape
The thoughts of you,
Emotions that I thought I’d left behind
With my memories locked away

But here they are, exposed
And I’m laid out and wondering
What I’ve buried in my mind
With my hidden thoughts of you

In this ocean I am drifting far away

When I can feel and life is real
It’s always when remembering then
I’m locked in time
I can’t escape
I’ve run so far and found no place
That I can be completely free
Without the chain of what remains
Another time
Another place
And memories that I can face

Always I’m delayed
And thinking of the many things
I wish that I could say
But my words get tied up
And you’ve gone on so well
So why am I still lingering on?
Why am I still here
With my hidden thoughts of you

In this ocean I am drifting far away

When I can feel and life is real
It’s always when remembering then
I’m locked in time
I can’t escape
I’ve run so far and found no place
That I can be completely free
Without the chain of what remains
Another time
Another place
And memories that I can face
Track Name: Everyday
Nothing rests here in the dark
In illusion, serving time
Beating down our dreams with fear
Locked ourselves up in self-control

Everyday brings us closer here
Everyday brings us closer here
Everyday brings us closer here
Everyday brings us closer to waste

What we get for all we do,
Is this liberty for you?
Broken down,
In God we trust,
Infect the weak,
Condemn the just
With all that you grow

What is left to believe?
When people have let their silence take all their control
While drifting in hate
And drifting in fear
And left with forgotten dreams
That all have disappeared

Everyday brings us closer here
Everyday brings us closer here
Everyday brings us closer here
Everyday brings us closer to waste
Track Name: Puppet
And you can play the games
And you can speak the words
But when the motion’s not enough,
What will you let speak for you?

Don’t want to follow
Don’t want to be
Another nameless, faceless, dreamer lost at sea
And yet I’m here like everyone,
Waiting in line for something more
They say that time will bring conclusion,
But that’s not what I’m living for

Because I’m not some puppet anymore
And I won’t follow anymore
I’ve left these games for something more
I’m not some puppet anymore
I’m not some puppet anymore
And I won’t follow anymore
I’ve left these games for something more
I’m not some puppet anymore

Running circles just to move somewhere
Feeling numb, cuz I’ve given everything
But I don’t know who I can blame
When I don’t know who pulls my puppet strings

Don’t want to follow
Don’t want to be
Another nameless, faceless, dreamer lost at sea
And yet I’m here like everyone,
Waiting in line for something more
They say that time will bring conclusion,
But that’s not what I’m living for

Because I’m not some puppet anymore
And I won’t follow anymore
I’ve left these games for something more
I’m not some puppet anymore

Don’t want to be in this mediocre place again
I’m tearing down my walls now
Of all the things that’s held me here
Its time to rise, it’s time to fall
Defeat the chains, defeat it all
I’m going to live my life again
I’m going to live my life again
I’m going to live my life again

Because I’m not some puppet anymore
And I won’t follow anymore
I’ve left these games for something more
I’m not some puppet anymore
I’m not some puppet anymore
And I won’t follow anymore
Not some puppet anymore
Track Name: More Than What I Am
How many times have I sat here,
Waiting with my pen,
Trying to continue?
And the words that won’t come out
Find their way into my head
With the visions I see
When I close my eyes to dream

I can’t fly
And I can’t begin
Cuz I can’t be more than what I am

How can I rise
From this life that I’m in,
If I can’t be more than what I am?

How many hours have I lay here,
Trying to forget a world that still continues?
And each moment that’s slipped
From my life into a dream
Takes me further away
From the me that I have seen

I can’t fly
And I can’t begin
Cuz I can’t be more than what I am

How can I rise
From this life that I’m in,
If I can’t be more than what I am?

Give me truth and life with meaning
Give me true words that I believe, that I believe

(Singing, singing, wordless music, empty lullabies
Singing, singing, wordless music, empty lullabies)

I can’t fly
And I can’t begin
Cuz I can’t be more than what I am

How can I rise
From this life that I’m in,
If I can’t be more than what I am?
Track Name: Victory
Climbing up this ladder that I cannot see,
Blinded by this struggle from reality,
I won’t give up and I won’t delay,
I’ve got to keep on pushing for another way

Cannot look back, back far behind,
Restless, I’m so restless and I still can’t find
The key to all my answers to look them in
To know where I’m going, instead of where I’ve been

Live and bleed for my victory
Rise and fall for this destiny
I believe in my legacy
To realize my victory

You can’t keep me down
Nothing will chain me down
You won’t keep me bound
‘Cause I believe in what I’ve found

I am here and I can see
I am strong and I am free
I am here and I can see
That I am strong and I am free

Live and bleed for my victory
Rise and fall for this destiny
I believe in my legacy
To realize my victory

Too much doubt
Too long
Twists my world so out of shape
I can’t relive the time I’ve lost
Life is now and mine to make

Live and bleed for my victory
Rise and fall for this destiny
I believe in my legacy
To realize my victory
Track Name: Beyond
Run from me
Madness take me
Find the pieces,
Heal the cracks,
Hold the edges back,
I am there,
The haunted stare,
I exist here, all of me,
Do you care?
Never tell me what I am
Rots away
You can’t believe
Why can’t you see?
Why can’t you hear?
Why can’t you feel?
Fight your way to me
There is so much you cannot see
There is so much I want to know
Beyond these words
Beyond this touch
Beyond this world
Come to me here,
Learn from my stare
Stop and beware
The voices come and they don’t share
They rip apart my life until I learn there is no one in there

Can you save me from me?

Why can’t you see?
Why can’t you hear?
Why can’t I feel?
Fight your way to me
There is no time
Stuck in this place
Burn me away or light my fallen way
Catching my breath,
Fighting the pain,
Feeling the contours of your face
Tearing the colors that assault me in my dreams
You meet me there
And walk away
Help me to find
Your light, your touch
Upon my face
Beyond these words,
Beyond this touch,
Beyond this world,
I wait in here

What we lock away
The things we hold dear
All that I’ve betrayed
To let you come so near
But I still feel saved
When hope falls away
Because of dreams of here

Beyond
This place
Burn me away or light my fallen way

There is so much you cannot see
There is so much I want to know
Beyond these words
Beyond this touch
Beyond this world
Come to me here,
Learn from my stare
Stop and beware
The voices come and they don’t share
They rip apart my life until I learn there is no one in there
Track Name: Smile In The Dark
Alone I’m standing here
With the thoughts I’ve grown so used to
The faces in the air that remind me of my home
The trails of letting go,
Softly drifting further,
Hear a smile in the dark
And I realize it’s my own
Track Name: Prayer
Waking life
Watching myself from a distance
Grown from you
Endless imperfection
I stumble on my words
Spilled out to you

Scenes spill in
Scenes spill out
And still I’m left
With one I can’t forget

And it’s here I’m left to remember you

So what
I didn’t need you anyway
If I pretend
This’ll make it all okay
So what I didn’t need you anyway
If I pretend
This’ll make it all okay

If only I could rise again
After such a long, bitter sleep
If only I could dream again
After all that I have seen

If I follow all the footsteps of
The echoes of the past
Will I ever know the truth
That’s made me who I am?

Whispered once
The loudest scream of all
The failing voice
Forgot to speak
When it mattered most of all

So what
I didn’t need you anyway
If I pretend
This’ll make it all okay
So what I didn’t need you anyway
If I pretend
This’ll make it all okay